Urgent Holiday Cheer

Marco wanted us to say a few things on his behalf:

Marco desperately needs to have as joyous a holiday season as possible. If he doesn’t and this trend of back-stabbing human betrayal continues, he is going to completely lose his mind. “The holidays are just too short for this nonsense.”

He is no longer able to turn a blind eye to war or poverty. His tolerance of the expanding gap between rich and poor is running out.

If children of all colors and classes don’t get some goddamn toys in a couple weeks, there’s going to be hell to pay. The children need some toys. They also require love or else they will grow up to be cretins.

And here’s another thing: Marco doesn’t want you shopping at Wal Mart for those toys. He says if you shop at Wal Mart, you have blood on your hands. Do you know what he read recently? He read that last month 100 people died in a factory fire in Bangladesh while making clothes for Wal Mart and Sears Holdings Corp., this only eighteen months after Wal Mart convened specifically to discuss boosting safety in Bangladesh garment factories but then decided that paying suppliers more to help them upgrade their manufacturing facilities was too costly. According to the International Labor Rights Forum, more than 700 garment workers have died there since 2005, in part because executives are too greedy to put any revenue towards improving primitive working conditions.

So, if you shop at Wal Mart for Christmas gifts, Marco will be extremely disappointed in you.

And, in general, if you people don’t wake up and get your positive holiday attitude together, you will have to answer to Marco. Because Marco isn’t fucking around here.

That’s all he wanted us to say for him.

(He also insisted that we record a version of Little Drummer Boy specifically for this communication. We were too scared to refuse.)

Happy Holidays, everyone. Univore loves all of you. Univore loves the holidays. Univore loves Marco. Marco loves all of you. Marco loves the holidays. Marco loves Univore.

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