Pandering

 

Vote Here

Look at that. The Chicago Reader, arguably the finest weekly publication in the United States, is providing a ballot for the good people of Chicago, a world-class city with world-class taste, to vote for the best their city has to offer.

Who knew that Univore lives on the near-west side of said city.

And while we are eager to cast our vote for Best Alley and Best Copse of Trees in a Public Park, we will refrain from doing so for Best New Band, Best Rock Band, and Best Band Name for obvious reasons, namely that we have tact.

During any election, a candidate does not cast a vote for him or herself.

Now, a list of things Univore has done for our Chicago supporters over the past two or so years, just for good measure:

*     Gave you permission to laugh at the DUI you received whilst driving intoxicated on Lakeshore Drive all those years ago when you were young and stupid

*     Inspired you to get back on the basketball court, even in the dead of winter, and defy all those coaches who never believed in you

*     Reminded you of the yacht you forgot you owned

*     Taught you how to use the computer to access the Internet in order to purchase Univore albums

*     Provided you with the perfect song with which to woo Angela in the Product Management department

*     Introduced you to the Whistler Tavern on Milwaukee Avenue, the cocktails of which provided you with the courage to make advances on your date from the Product Management department

*     Disabused you of the notion that the bronze medal in women’s figure skating is something to scoff at, thus saving you from sounding like an insensitive asshole in your next conversation about the Olympics

*     Gave you a way to finally classify yourself, seeing that you are a parasitic fungus which is restricted to a single host-plant

*     Equipped you with valuable information on the Cuyahoga River for use the next time a co-worker brings up the Cuyahoga River

*     Encouraged you to love in epistolary form

We could have gone on. But we want you to get out there and vote. Vote with your hearts.

Univore loves you, your votes, and your hearts.








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